Sex Addiction
New York Times 6/6/11: Congressman Anthony D. Weiner said he had communicated with women online before and after his marriage, and sent them explicit photos. John Edwards is indicted for using campaign funds to pay expenses related to his mistress. Arnold Schwarznegger had a child with his lover while she was working as a household employee. The list goes on and on.
Addiction can be defined as continued involvement with something despite the negative consequences associated with it. In the last few years, there has been more and more proof that the brain is changeable. The term is brain plasticity – or neuroplasticity. We used to think that the nervous system was relatively un changed from the time our development ends until the aging process starts. Christopher Reeves and others proved that the nervous system can be repaired and changed, even later in life. In fact, we now know that even our thoughts can actually change our brains – the way we think can change the patterns of firing of nerves. Those firing patterns then create new pathways that, with repeated use, get more entrenched and easily repeated.
Norman Doidge, MD writes at length about all of this in his book, The Brain that Changes Itself. The good news is that our thoughts can change the structure and function of our brains. The rub is that these thoughts can change our brains for the better, for example by focusing on gratitude and compassion we can become more optimistic and empathetic; but thoughts can also change our brains for the worse, for example by entraining new patterns of arousal through internet sex.
Easy access to sexual partners through online sites and social networks or to online pornography create new ways of thinking about sex and new ways of being stimulated. Such new patterns of arousal stimulate the release of endorphins and other neurotransmitters in the brain, making traditional monogamous sex with a spouse of 20 years less exciting. Sexual addiction has always been an issue, but it is getting more common given the ease of acting out sexually (and falsely believing it to be anonymously) via the internet. In fact, the World Health Organization, which produces the internationally recognized classification of diseases called ICD, has included excessive sexual drive in the newest version of this standard code, used by all insurance companies, called ICD-10.
The American Society of Addiction Medicine defines addiction as a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. “Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social and spiritual manifestations. This is reflected in the individual pursuing reward and/or relief by engaging in addictive behaviors. The addiction is characterized by impairment in behavioral control, craving, inability to consistently abstain, and diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships.” Certainly sexual addiction falls into this category of problems.
Sexual addiction, like all addictions, can be treated. However, like all addictions, the first step is recognizing that a problem exists and wanting to do something about it. Sexual addiction can tear apart marriages, families and lives – as evidenced by the well publicized examples cited above. If you or your partner are concerned that online sex is replacing intimacy or sex in the relationship, think about getting some help.